I'd tell you all about me
But there ain't that much to say
I know that you might doubt me
But be that as it may

I've followed smilin' faces
Wavin' 'round their flags
'Til I lost too many races
Wound up with an empty bag

Ugly Man Wearin' Blue
Did you go to church today?
Did you don your suit and pray?

I don't know what to think
About you and your concern
I'd rather have a cold drink
With you, I'd just get burned

Alive in all this weariness
Of fifty-cent perfumes
Darling daughter now you know
Chanel can't heal your wounds

Ugly Man Wearin' Blue
Do you ever tie your shoes?
Would you like to buy some booze?

Ugly Man Wearin' Blue
Will you stay here for a while?
Do you ever stop to smile?

Well you're all a dime a dozen
So I guess that I am too
But I sure ain't your cousin
Just an empty man cloaked in blue

God knows I need relations
But queenie you will not do
Just leave me to myself
Now that, I can screw

Ugly man wearin' blue

While you're talking to yourself
I'll be taking all those things
Stacked up upon your shelf
Woolen coats, diamond rings

See I've thought up a scheme
By which both of us can gain
A surgical procedure
I mean transplanted brains

Ugly man wearin' blue
While you're starin' at the ground
I'm gettin' married across town

Ugly man wearin' blue